by TakeCharge | Oct 10, 2012 | Health
It was a week like any other. Nothing new, just memorable because of the great start I had this particular Wednesday morning. It began with JT coming into my room at some ungodly hour, climbing in the bed next to me and falling asleep till 6.30am. A much welcomed change to talking incessantly, flopping all over the bed frustrated at a groggy mum or introducing all his ‘favourite’ toys and books to me to entice me to play – all at 5am(ish).
That morning was particularly nice due to my roller coaster ride with my intolerance’s and allergies and the effects they have on my psyche. The previous two mornings we were “up and at ’em” at the crack of dawn (this was pre daylight savings time so the crack is absurdly early :)). Anyway….not only did I have to get up at the crack, but I awoke to infected sinuses, an accompanying headache, a tumultuous tummy and such overwhelming lethargy I could barely move. But move I did.
For anyone who has suffered depression or deals with anxiety issues, has irritable bowel, sinus, allergies or muscle aches, I know you can relate. Those with auto immune diseases will also gel with my story, but for those of you who are lucky enough to be in good health most of the time, just put your head space into flu mode and you may be able join me on the roller coaster ride that is my life.
I cannot know in advance when I will have a flare up, unless of course it is self inflicted (some times it is just soooo hard to say no to something you crave and love so much). I try to be very vigilant about what goes in to my body and steering clear of known allergens but there is little you can do about coming in contact with trees or cut grass for example. Anyhoo, I digress. Apart from the debilitating physical side effects my little “quirks” bring to the party, it is the mental mind games that do the most damage.
During that week, like most that follow this cycle, I lose all confidence in my abilities. I want to shut down my blog. I see the catastrophe of the weeks passing without me building the right relationships. I see missed opportunities. I see a mountain of work to catch up on. I see others succeeding. I feel I should just give up!
I hate these low days. My mind goes on a downward spiral that is neither helpful or productive. I feel helpless and thats a shitty place to be. I often can’t focus very well and walk around in circles A LOT. The housework falls behind, my to do list goes to potty and the vision of building my blog/business gets very blurry. Those ‘must do’ errands, become a ‘whenever the hell I bloody hell I feel like it’ task and everything else gets relegated to the next status down.
Luckily, this no longer goes on for weeks as it did in the past and generally as a rule of thumb (recently anyway, knock on wood) by Wednesday I am sitting on the hump. I have struggled to get here and am now teetering between feeling downright awful and about to hit the good times.
As you guessed it, the week culminates in me feeling bouncy and alive! That particular week, the Thursday and Friday hit 30 degrees in old Sydney town and you see me basking in all of it’s glory. I have energy, my mind is buzzing with possibilities and I am back on track again. I have ideas bounding out of my head for blog posts, I get stuck into the backlog and if I’m lucky can get started on the weekly tasks. Maybe next week, we can look at the wish list and get this blog/business fire burning.
Where does your head space wander to when you are feeling unwell?
Until next time….
by TakeCharge | Aug 15, 2012 | Health
I had a chat with my husband last night over this question – have I lost my empathy? The answer thankfully is no!
What prompted me to ponder this question is that I have made incredible inroads with my anxiety disorder. I no longer break down into an uncontrollable crying mess when others I love are suffering. This to me seems harsh and very cold because this is how I have previously gone through their dilemma with them. I was essentially “living” the horror with them and literally feeling the pain. Now I do understand that this reaction is not healthy, but when you stop feeling for them in this way, it somehow feels inadequate.
My husband was extremely proud of me and explained that what I was doing was in fact being strong, supportive and empathising as it should be done. So essentially, I understand the pain and what they are going through, but am identifying with them because I have felt the same or similar emotions that they are now experiencing. I am not engulfing myself within the emotional pain and making myself sick over how they must be feeling.
It was not only nice to hear what he had to say, but it also allowed me to broach another subject with him – the fact that I was worried I wasn’t providing enough support for him. Owning your own business can be very stressful at times and his stress levels can run very high. Once again, because I wasn’t overwrought with worry, it seemed to me that I wasn’t “being there” for him. That maybe I wasn’t sharing his pain as much as I should.
What a weird and wonderful thing an anxiety disorder is!
It’s a new and strange feeling being able to stand back from a problem, fully understand it and “feel” for the person without drowning in the emotions. It feels like I’m seeing things from a distance because I am no longer falling into my own inner slump….like standing on the outside rather than being in there gloves and all.
I think I like this, it’s kind of freeing. The strength and resilience within is liberating. Being able to set myself free from a problem and see it objectively, look for solutions and act on moving forward must be a step in the right direction. Have I lost my empathy, no, I’ve just become a better friend, mother and wife 🙂
Have you lost sleep over someone else’s problems?
Have you ever over invested in someone else’s pain?
Have you ever suffered from an anxiety disorder?
by TakeCharge | Jul 31, 2012 | Family
Women are supposed to automatically tap into their parental intuition as soon as they become mothers, however I am not so sure I was given that gene. My husband on the other hand seems to have tapped into his. Last night for example, he “intuitively” knew that my son was putting reams of toilet paper down the loo – how was this possible? I dismissed it at the time, but sure enough this morning I find my son in the bathroom unraveling the paper straight down the toilet so he could get to the ‘telescope’! When I asked my husband how he knew, he just said “I don’t know, I just had this feeling“.
I have a friend who amazes me when it comes to intuition. I remember being at a mutual friends house one time where her husband was on the balcony with her two children. They were not visible to us, but mid sentence she swans out of the room and scolds the children for climbing the balcony rails. Now, I’ve heard of (and possess) eye’s in the back of your head, but x-ray vision!?!? Her husband didn’t even have time to react before she instinctively knew the kids would try to climb up. This woman is clearly connected to her intuition beyond my comprehension.
My Mum also possessed this “power”. Many of my friends parents did too. How on earth did they know what you would do before you had even thought about doing it? How is it possible that those mums knew EVERYTHING? You can’t even put it down to past behaviours or even knowing your child, these people seriously have some eerie psychic shit going on.
Even though I think my intuition may be a bit skewed, I’m not saying I am a bad parent. In fact, I’m pretty damned good if I do say so myself! I think though that my parental skills are mostly based on knowledge and learned behaviour rather than intuition. You see although I was the ‘baby’of 7 children, my mum used to mind anywhere up to 30 children at my house as I was growing up. I therefore have years of experience in dealing with children of all ages so much of it comes as second nature, but intuition, I’m not so sure mine is that finely tuned.
Are my parenting skills based on common sense rather than intuition? Do I rationalise everything too much? Am I too scared to rely on my own gut instinct? Do I fall into the trap of over thinking things. Do my anxieties go into overdrive and cloud my judgement (as you know by now….I worry, I worry a lot!). To sum up, how do I know whether I am making a decision based on anxiety or intuition or even instinct versus intuition?
With these questions in mind, I did as I always do….research, research, research!
Instinct versus intuition is a much easier puzzle to solve. I think my instincts are sound. The actions I do in an instant without thought are in fine working order, but the intuition side is still a little muddled. So, after wading through quite a few ‘airy fairy’ accounts of what intuition is, I found one that stated that intuition is where you are able to perceive something that is not plainly evident, where you can see beyond the obvious. Ok, so I can think of many times in the past where I have used my intuitive skills with friends or with clients. I can think of times where I’ve slapped myself upside the head because I didn’t listen to myself, but can I think of moments where intuition kicked in with my son?
As I pondered this question, I came across an article that explained that sometimes the less you analyse the pros and cons when it comes to decisions, the happier you are in the long term. The longer you mull over the decision, the less satisfied you are. There are many times where my anxieties take over when it comes to my son. Like every parent I want the world to be at his feet so I think about things that can go wrong, but for the most part, I just do what I do not in fear but in love. Maybe that is the answer….I do use my intuition. I do what feels right. Looking at the evidence in front of me, whatever it is I am doing, I am doing a bloody brilliant job of it, so why mess with it by over analysing it? 🙂
How well developed is your parental intuition?
Do you have a story of when your parental intuition kicked in?
by TakeCharge | May 31, 2012 | Business Services
Today is my brothers birthday. He would have been 58. Who would have thought 34 years later, it would still bring me to tears.
Robbie died when I was only 7. He was the first in a long line of such experiences in my life. “They” (Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Counsellors etc.) tell me that this was probably where my anxiety issues and depression episodes stem from.
When you are 7, you are starting to get a grasp on the finality of death. This is a headspace no kid should be in. I thought I could wish it away and if I could made a deal with God that he’d reverse his decision. I also took on the assumption of guilt having made a wish in the past to take away pain from someone and moving it on to another person – was that pain transferred to Robbie upon my request?
There was a significant change and impact on my world. Everything as I knew it had changed. I had never seen my mother or father cry. I had never felt these overwhelming and intense emotions – panic, fear, emptiness, confusion, desperation. And there was that never ending question of why? I was to be separated for eternity from someone I love, how do you comprehend this? I still struggle with the concept even though I know the world to be transient and believe it is only the physical presence that is lost.
We strive as parents to give our children a safe and secure environment with the intention of instilling a confident, self assured and assertive personality. In one fell swoop death can take this away if we don’t take charge. In my case, I internalised all my thoughts and questions. I didn’t want to hurt my parents by bringing up something so painful, so I stayed away from the topic when I needed to speak. I created my own misconceptions and theories about death, which did not necessarily arm me well for the onslaught of loss that was to follow. In short, I didn’t make it easy for my family to help me through and didn’t deal with it well at all.
What would I do to help that 7 year old if I could go back? I think I would focus on three main areas:
- encouraging talk and questions
- creating keepsakes and constructing memories
- reminiscing and checking in over time
What do I do to help the 41 year old who still crumbles whenever death is experienced by a close friend? Well, today I could focus on the horrific way he died, the years we’ve lost or just how bloody unfair life can be…. BUT I choose to focus on the gratitude I feel for having known him and how lucky I was to have spent 7 wonderful years with my loving, doting brother.
I have a number of friends struggling with their grief at this moment in time. Please share with us your coping strategies and how you help your children through.
Good night my brother, you are forever in my heart. Rest in Peace.
For further blogs see: www.takechargenow.com.au/blog/