It was a week like any other. Nothing new, just memorable because of the great start I had this particular Wednesday morning. It began with JT coming into my room at some ungodly hour, climbing in the bed next to me and falling asleep till 6.30am. A much welcomed change to talking incessantly, flopping all over the bed frustrated at a groggy mum or introducing all his ‘favourite’ toys and books to me to entice me to play – all at 5am(ish).
That morning was particularly nice due to my roller coaster ride with my intolerance’s and allergies and the effects they have on my psyche. The previous two mornings we were “up and at ’em” at the crack of dawn (this was pre daylight savings time so the crack is absurdly early :)). Anyway….not only did I have to get up at the crack, but I awoke to infected sinuses, an accompanying headache, a tumultuous tummy and such overwhelming lethargy I could barely move. But move I did.
For anyone who has suffered depression or deals with anxiety issues, has irritable bowel, sinus, allergies or muscle aches, I know you can relate. Those with auto immune diseases will also gel with my story, but for those of you who are lucky enough to be in good health most of the time, just put your head space into flu mode and you may be able join me on the roller coaster ride that is my life.
I cannot know in advance when I will have a flare up, unless of course it is self inflicted (some times it is just soooo hard to say no to something you crave and love so much). I try to be very vigilant about what goes in to my body and steering clear of known allergens but there is little you can do about coming in contact with trees or cut grass for example. Anyhoo, I digress. Apart from the debilitating physical side effects my little “quirks” bring to the party, it is the mental mind games that do the most damage.
During that week, like most that follow this cycle, I lose all confidence in my abilities. I want to shut down my blog. I see the catastrophe of the weeks passing without me building the right relationships. I see missed opportunities. I see a mountain of work to catch up on. I see others succeeding. I feel I should just give up!
I hate these low days. My mind goes on a downward spiral that is neither helpful or productive. I feel helpless and thats a shitty place to be. I often can’t focus very well and walk around in circles A LOT. The housework falls behind, my to do list goes to potty and the vision of building my blog/business gets very blurry. Those ‘must do’ errands, become a ‘whenever the hell I bloody hell I feel like it’ task and everything else gets relegated to the next status down.
Luckily, this no longer goes on for weeks as it did in the past and generally as a rule of thumb (recently anyway, knock on wood) by Wednesday I am sitting on the hump. I have struggled to get here and am now teetering between feeling downright awful and about to hit the good times.
As you guessed it, the week culminates in me feeling bouncy and alive! That particular week, the Thursday and Friday hit 30 degrees in old Sydney town and you see me basking in all of it’s glory. I have energy, my mind is buzzing with possibilities and I am back on track again. I have ideas bounding out of my head for blog posts, I get stuck into the backlog and if I’m lucky can get started on the weekly tasks. Maybe next week, we can look at the wish list and get this blog/business fire burning.
Where does your head space wander to when you are feeling unwell?
Until next time….